we all die.......

I am sure that this is not a new concept to any of us but it is not something that many of us think of often. Mostly, we think of this when we are forced to because of life circumstances, rarely of our own desire. Yes, eventually, you, i, all of us will be "orphans" as, God willing, we will outlive our parents. This has been on my mind a lot lately because of the events of the past month........ My father died 10+ years ago but the "daddy" of my youth, the man with whom i had a relationship, had "died" years before. We fell out of touch and he had no interest in keeping up the relationship, despite my efforts. For exaample, when he did come to Albuquerque, where i was living at the time, he stayed in a hotel three miles from my home, only saw me once when i invited myself to follow him and his wife to a pottery shopping errand in town, took my kids to his hotel to swim in the pool (i was specifically not invited), then returned them and hour later when they were "fighting" (splashing him and each other...they were kids!).When he got cancer, he called my sister with medical questions and updates and forbid me from visiting. I was only able to see him once before he passed, when he was on death's door and comatose so that he couldn't refuse me entry to his hospice room, two days before he passed. He had lingered with the cancer for a year but refused to allow me to have any more contact. I attended his funeral a week later but felt nothing. The man to be buried was not the dad of my youth...he was a literal stranger. I didn't know anyone at his funeral except my sister and my BFF Beth who still lived in Cincinnati and saw the notice for the funeral in the paper.>>>>>>> My mother (and, even more so, my sister) and i have always had a tenuous relationship. We have had many times that we had little spats with my being nearly always the one in the wrong. I am a disappointing, frustrating child and this didn't change as i became an adult. She has always been..well...who she is. She didn't like my college boyfriend, and told me this, so, when i married him, she still told me (often) how much she didn't like this man, the father of my children, the love-of-my-life for 30+ years. She continued until just last month telling me that he was a cause of all the issues and problems in my life and when was i "coming home" to live near her. After the last (at once both the most recent and the final)disagreement, i know when my mother will die. She has now died to me. She cut off all contact (blocked my calls, blocked me on social media, etc) and told me to not visit as she would not open the door. So, she (and my sister who did the same) is dead to me. Yes, i sometimes see something in the news that i would share with her, have interactions that i would share with her, see a recipe that she would like.....but that is in the past. It was coming eventually (she is 77 years old and losing her sight), as it will to all of us. I just know with her when our relationship, if not her corporal being, has died. So, at 57, i'm the end of my family.>>>>>>> What brought this all the more to the head? That my "second mom" is dying. I did go to Cincinnati (where my own mother lives but refused my company) from Costa Rica to say hello and goodbye to my BFF's mom, the second-mom of my youth, the sweetest woman i know, Helen. She is dying, in hospice and God allowed me and _so many_ of her family to be with her and say goodbye. She was awake and aware between medication naps and still ever-so-sweet and loving. God placed an angel in our lives and now wants her home. She is 88 years old...that's a lot of years of spreading her goodness and grace. She was the one that was home all the time when Beth and i were playing...the one who had TaB in her fridge _for me_....who made silver dollar pancakes and Tang for her girls to have a good start on the school day. She "lowered the BOOM" when needed but was ever-so-loving. Her Easter egg hunt for the entire neighborhood was LEGENDARY. Her family was so generous in sharing her with me and others. I mourn her suffering and am content that her family is able to rally around her in support and love. There is no "good way" to lose a parent or other loved one. That the family can be there with her and that she is in hospice and has her pain relieved is a blessing. It is still sad to lose her but ,depending on your faith beliefs, happy that she is "graduating" to be painfree, in her intact and healthy body and waiting for the rest of her family on the other side of the veil. This is the thought that allows me to stop crying over the situation.>>>>>>>On this visit to Ohio, we also went to Columbus to see Joe's mom/sister and family. We won't be back in Ohio until 2026 and recognize that this may be the last time that we see some people. That is true with everyone, really. Twenty year olds could be in a fatal car wreck. Thirty year olds get cancer. Forty years old is young...but can still be taken out with a heart attack or diabetic ketoacidosis. Each day is not guaranteed. Hug your favorite people...blame it on me and my blog posting...call your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you. At worst, you make their day. You never know when that last conversation will be.