my Temple Recommend...and lack thereof

When i joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, i was counseled by the bishop that there are some bad people in the faith, just as there are come bad people in every group. The world is full of mostly good people but often the fewer bad people are what stand out and are remembered for their evil effects. I took this in and kept it in the back of my mind. I _knew_ that this would not be enough to dissuade me from joining and participating fully in the faith.>>>>>>>That was then, this is now.>>>>>>>I was also counseled by my "faith mentor" that "when you are getting closer to Jesus and being more dedicated to spreading His word, the adversary works all that much harder to dissuade and distract you". I have seen this in my life at some times. The first time that comes to mind is the day that i had my first experience, my ordination if you will, into the temple in Albuquerque. This is _BIG_ event in my faith....like First Communion and Dedication all at once. On the way to the temple for the ordination, the road/highway was closed (detours!), the traffic was horrible, the weather was crazy, and i was almost late for my appointed time. It all worked out, of course, but it was a bit more touch-and-go than i had hoped.>>>>>>>In my faith, the temple recommend is after an interview with the bishop and the president of the stake (division of the church) to be sure that one is "temple worthy". This recommend lasts for two years and then is renewed. A lot can change in two years and it is important to be worthy to enter the House of the Lord. Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy right? If one is "living right", there should be no problem.>>>>> But no!>>>>>>> I went for my temple recommend interview this past week with both the bishop and the president. The interview/chat with the bishop was warm, inviting, and comfortable. He was pleased with my progress in the faith and interested in my life and me in general. This was how i always imagined church membership to be....fellowship with other kind, generous, honest people.>>>>>>>Two days later (because the president blew off our original meeting time with the bishop so that i could do it all at once), i met witht the president and answered the same ten questions. There was no chatting or interest, just professional, efficient questioning. After one question, he stopped, said that he had to "discuss something with the bishop" because he was "uncomfortable with my response". After speaking with the bishop (presumably....he could have just left the room for 10 minutes to go to the bathroom or out to his car to listen to the radio), he came back and said that he "didn't feel comfortable giving me the recommend" and that we could "revisit this in a few months" on a ZOOM meeting.>>>>>>>The issue? I don't participate in a sacrament meeting every week and take the sacrament (bread/water). I live in Costa Rica and there is no English speaking ward in the entire country. The ward that is nearest me is 40 minutes away (Joe drives, sits in the parking lot for the 1+ hour of service then drives me home), only in Spanish, and has no translation possibilities. I have attended this in the past but just sit there, let the Spanish wash over me, get more and more sad to the point of tears, do _not_ "feel the Spirit", then go home, feeling like the failure that i am that i cannot understand the gospel. So, instead of doing this, i have a Wednesday night Bible study (not Latter-day Saint but Bible is Bible!), i have online studies that i do weekly and daily scripture study. I am _more_ involved in "church" than i was in Albuquerque when i attended services weekly but then was "off" until the next Sunday, essentially.>>>>>>>By refusing to give me the recommend, President Michaels has prevented me from doing ordinations in the temple, prevented me from entering the House of the Lord, thwarted my progress to become more holy and involved in the faith.>>>>>>>How do i "repent and reform"? Either attend those sacrament meetings and ignore the mumbled Spanish (all lay lead so not practiced speakers), take the bread/water when offered, and report back to the President in a couple months or......do what i was tempted (see? adversary working on me...) to do and just LIE. Tell President Michaels that i AM attending sacrament meeting every week, AM taking sacrament, and then he will issue my recommend. So, for those of you following at home, to get my recommend to enter the most holy place in my faith, i have to lie to the President and Bishop of my faith.>>>>>>>Sigh.