BFF

My daughter and i have a joke about BFF. The first time that i saw it (in her Seventeen magazine), i wasn't sure what it meant. She told me it was "big fat friend" and the "nickname" has stuck. Yes, we both know that it's supposed to be "best friend forever" but we still giggle at our inside joke. She's used the phrase off and on since then, on the 'net with IM's and in letters and stories. In print, on television, in "text-speak" and even in spoken language, it seems that everyone is talking about and has a BFF.

But what does that mean?

Does anyone really only have one best friend? And does that stay the same?

I know that it hasn't for me. Or for Alessandra, actually.

She had Julia in Columbus when we lived there. For the first three years that we lived in NM, she and Julia kept track of each other. Visiting over Spring Breaks and summers. Writing back and forth on the internet and chatting on the mobile phones. Then....the calls and e-mails trickled down... and Alex started confiding more to local friends.

Then she had Jessica.......who moved to South Carolina.

Now it's Jadziah........who has Steph as her BFF and neighbor. So Alex is second-fiddle (not that she seems to care). But will this endure or will Jadziah give way to the next "forever" BFF?

Is that how this works? Or is that just in adolescence?

When i was young(er?), i had BethAnn Snider (now Beth Price). She and i used to pal around everywhere and do everything together. Most every day, i'd come home from school, drop my books and head over to BethAnn's. Knock on, and walk in, her back door, go upstairs and do.........anything. Listen to records. Flop down on her waterbed and look at TigerBeat magazine and drool over Andy Gibb/David Cassidy. Talk about Dave Ostrowski and what an annoying human he was. Plan our next trip to Beechmont Mall. Try to talk her mom into letting us bike to the Convenient Food Mart and buy candy (she was ok with the candy, not the biking part).

Then came college and we grew apart. She found new friends at her college and we stopped seeing each other on breaks. She was at my wedding (i was not in town for hers). We brought our kids to each others kid birthday parties for a while then even stopped doing that. The e-mails and holiday letters (with, then without pictures) got farther and farther apart. We lost touch.

Other friendships have similarly started out "hot and heavy" to become just tepid then abandoned, by one or the other participants. Really, except for Joe, i don't know that i have any others that i could consider even candidates for BFF status. Someone that i'd ask for (and offer) a ride to the airport. Someone with whom to share my joys and concerns. Someone to go "Black/Happy Friday" shopping with or just out for coffee and bagels midweek.

Is that just something that one has in teen years and leaves behind? Like a Clearasil habit and drinking games?

Or have i missed the boat?

I wonder. I see other women drinking coffee and eating bagels and shopping....not alone. There cannot be that many sister pairs! Maybe it's just me?

Yikes.

Am i un-BFF-able? Am i that grating? Is that why i'm writing this to a blank screen that no one will read instead of asking my girlfriend on the phone?

Double Yikes.