Hubster and i aren't _completely_ the same.

The Hubster is uniquely skilled for the occupation/calling that he fulfilled throughout his professional life. He was (is?) a pediatric anesthesiologist and he loved it. It matched with his skills and life goals. This is in direct contrast to me but more on that in a moment. How was this perfect for him? Let me explain.>>>>>>> 1. He has to be _the best_ at everything that he does. He will not accept "good enough"...it has to be perfect. He will not do something, no buy something, not go somewhere, unless it is perfect. He chooses the most difficult instead of the easy way out. Being a doctor was the hardest profession available to him on graduating from high school, so that was the one for him. And, being an anesthesiologist (ie. "the one who keeps you alive while the surgeon is putting holes in your body") was the hardest field. Adding the "pediatric"part with another fellowship? Bring it on.>>>>>>> 2. In any situation, there is a solution, a way of doing things. Hubster is never happy with just one solution but always, always is thinking of "Plan B"....and "Plan C""..and the entire alphabet. Surgery with kids, even more so than with adults, can be dicey and things can change rapidly. Hubster was always ready with a back-up plan to address situations that could, maybe, possibly, by-any-stretch-of-potential occur.>>>>>>> 3. Hubster doesn't have to eat..ever. I don't know how many times he would come home to tell me that he didn't get to lunch until 4pm or not at all. That he wasn't relieved for a break or couldn't leave his patient.>>>>>>> 4. Hubster doesn't have to pee. I know! He regularly will go all day without having to use the restroom, which is perfect for someone who is in an operating room for hours on end without a way to just "pop out" on the spur of the moment.>>>>>> 5. Hubster is so gentle with the kiddos and gained their trust (and that of parents) so that the kids were less angry/stressed/frantic when they went back to the operating room. This meant that they often didn't need pre-meds to separate from parents, thus getting less sedation that had to wear off after the procedure and allowing the families to see their awake kids sooner. This was better for everyone. Nurses loved that "his" kids didn't come out asleep for long, long times.>>>>>>> 6. Hubster is never sick. So, in the 20+ years that he worked as an anesthesiologist (including during his training when he got 2 days off a month!), he only missed two days for "illness". One. And that was the day that i delivered Alessandra. The other was the day that he picked me up from the hospital after i delivered Christian. (He had off/traded for the day that i delivered Christian) He worked every other day.>>>>>>> 7. Hubster is the utmost in confident that he can handle any situation, can master whatever life needs from him. This made his work more goal-driven and reassured his associate professionals that he could be relied upon to succeed in whatever situation. So, the surgeon could do his part. The nurses could do their parts. The parents felt more comfortable trusting their child to him.>>>>>>> 8. Hubster doesn't give a rat's a$$ if anyone likes him. He likes himself and that's enough for him. I would never, ever, no, not ever, have been able to do anything but what i did. Certainly not what he did.******* 1. I have to eat every three hours. I had an incident early in my nursing career (that brief period of time that i was a full-time, career-path RN) when i was sent to lunch at 1:30, having been working in the ICU where one cannot leave or eat, since 0645. I took one sip of my soda and fell backwards into a seizure. Low blood sugar. So, not eating for hours on end is not a possibility for me.******* 2. I find what works for me and do that over and over and over, for the most part. When i was in nursing school, i moved to a new apartment which was on the other side of a bridge from my college. Soon after i moved in, the bridge was closed to car traffic for repairs. I knew one way to get to school and one way to get to my parents' house. I would either drive nearly all the way "home" then back to campus or just leave the house an hour early and walk across the bridge and up the hill to campus.....then home in the evening. This continued for nearly a year. Every day. I knew one way to do things and that was how it was done.******* 3. I am the queen of "good enough". I don't have to have the bestest brand of this or that food, the "perfect" piece of clothing, the "perfect" seam when sewing. Good enough is often good enough. I'm not saying that i sew clothes that are noticeably wonky or that i wear bedraggled, stained clothes. But, if the shirt fits but isn't _exactly_ fitted to my body, i make it work. I have never been perfect and rarely make anything perfect. Good enough allows me to remain sane as i know that i'm not perfect...ever...and wanting to be would just make me crazy.******* 4. We won't even talk about my bathroom needs. I have a walnut size bladder and cannot honestly remember a night that i've been able to sleep through the night. I don't make it through a film in the evening either. Ever. I am like those Betsy Wetsy dolls from days of old. Fluid in...fluid out.******* 5. I have been sick before and missed work. Actually, my "retirement" from nursing was a result of my being "sick". I had an injury that prevented my typing or speaking and left me a bit "fuzzy" (closed head injury). I took off for 4 weeks....and just never went back. Sadly, no one from work ever contacted me to see how i was, when i might come back, if i was recovering. It was like i'd never been there.******* 6. I don't have the confidence that i'm "good enough" at anything, really. I've always looked around to make sure that i haven't screwed up too badly, rather than being confident that i was doing the bang-up job that many situations require. I _need_ that reinforcement that what i've done (the recipe that i've made, the dress/scrub pants that i've sewn, the child that i raised) is "good", in the eyes of others. I rarely rely on my own evaluation. Shoot! I go to JoAnn fabrics to choose fabric for a project and find that i ask strangers "which of these two fabrics/patterns do you think is the better?". I do nothing on my own evaluation.******* 7. I _need_ to have people like me and have always, always tried to do what others want/need to "make" them like me. This means often going out of my way to give people what i think that they want although it often is just what i would want for them or if i were them. I have for 30+ years tried to "surprise" Joe with one thing or another, going out of my way, only to find that my sacrifice is for naught. He would have been just as happy with a peanut butter sandwich instead of the bagel that i walked down to the bakery, stealthily bought and hid in the cupboard,then toasted and topped with butter. Then i'm disappointed with my efforts not being "valued" and the "benefit" of the sacrifice is lost. This extends to people that i'm not as close to as well. I joined Mary Kay and did "parties" and gave away a LOT of product to "make" people like me (My director, Barbie Gizzo, told me "when you give people stuff, they like you.... and it will increase your party bookings and sales"). I didn't make director but tried really hard for years and was so disappointed that my efforts and sacrifices didn't work out. I took it personally and ended up feeling worse for myself. So, i'm uniquely qualified to be..... a mom. Not just to my children (who are no longer children, i know) but to my world in general. To do the extra little things, imperfectly!, that make my loved ones feel loved. And to strangers (nice shoes! wow...you're such a good mom! gee, your baby is so cute!). It makes me happy to make others happy and i just had to find a non-professional way to do so. Oh! and to only sew for myself and select items (quilts with scattered designs) for others. Pura Vida.