fwaves

Life, i think, is like the ocean. I am not much of a water child but do like to play on the beach (building sand castles but mostly walking along the edge of the surf. Walking alone, both on the beach and here in Atenas along the roads/by-ways, i have a lot of time to think and let my mind wander. And i was thinking today of the "ocean of life".******* In your teens, everyone is pairing up, going out on dates/parties, going to Prom and Winter Formal. Life is all about the "girls' nights out" and going to parties/dancing and hanging with your BFF (and a larger group of friends=). This "wave" splashes over you and you frolic in the wave with your friends and it is all that you see. The social activities wash over you like the waves of the ocean and you enjoy the immersion. You feel safe and included and happy.******* Then, _whoosh_ that wave passes and you're in your 20's. People are really pairing up now and relationships are getting more serious. The wave of the big group outings and having BFFs in whom you rely has receeded to be replaced by a smaller group, more serious relationships and more focus on attaining and maintaining careers. The wave of engagements, college graduations, and marriages washes over you and you're immersed in the activities that these entail. You have a smaller friend group and less time to spend with them but you're so overwhelmed with the activities that this part of your life involves that you don't miss it. This wave is variable...some are tossed and turned as things don't go as planned while others are so focused that they barely notice the wave covering their heads.******* Before you know it, that 20's wave receeds to be replaced by the 30's and 40's tsunami. This wave has fewer marriages and new babies....fewer career establishment and college graduations..less frivolity. Instead of baby and wedding showers, there are job promotions and, often, divorces. This is the wave that begins, for many, the "sandwich generation", caring for growing children and developing careers and aging parents. This is the wave that washes over you more stealthily, less fun and body surfing, more undertow and body shifting. The effort of keeping afloat with all the varying pulls in one direction or another makes this time/wave pass quickly. One day, one wavelet, flows into another and time passes seemingly unnoticed amidst the activities of keeping afloat and getting to the goals that were set back in the 20's wave. This is also the wave that often includes adding new "swimmers" in the form of second marriages and blended families, both with marriage and with aging parents moving in/adult children moving back.******* I"m now in the 50's and 60's wave. It's not a pretty one in many respects. Yes, there are often additional swimmers in the form of adult children and/or aging parents needing more assistance and patience. But, this is the wave of not weddings and births and job promotions and other beginnings but rather the start of ,or intensification of, losses and retractions. Instead of new births and baby showers, there are illnesses and funerals. The "girl gossip" shared over the phones isn't "who is sleeping with whom...who's pregnant....what crazy drunk thing happened last weekend" but rather "did you hear that Jim is in the ICU?....that Julia broke her hip?....that Clark has "the big C"?. While this wave isn't as much of a "washing machine" as the 30/40 tsunami, it is a more subtle feeling of loss. This wave washes over you with the realization that those goals that you set in the 20's wave...if you haven't accomplished them...you likely won't. As one of my buttons says, "i just realized that i'll never be a ballerina". While there is still some energy to the swimmers in the 50/60 wave, it is tempered. This is more of a wave that you experience walking in the surf, not swimming out to be immersed. The wave washes up to the knees but doesn't threaten to knock you down. You're experienced enough to avoid the trauma and drama of the 20/30 waves...but realize that you're missing out on the excitement too of the immersion. You stay on the beach, with this wave only up to your calves because immersion may not be worth the risk of a broken hip, a caution that you have never had in past waves.******* The subsequent waves are small. You walk on the beach and look out on the horizon at those in the water...splashing through the waves of earlier times. You remember the fun..and fear..of those waves for yourself. Do you want to relive those waves and days? Sometimes. This is the time to be thankful that you made it through the waves to land on the sandy warm beach where you are. There are fewer people here with you but you value them all the more. There are still losses (those funerals keep happeningn until you run out of friends and family) and some gains (those swimmers in the 20/30 waves are like rabbits!), but the desire for peace over drama leaves you on the beach in the small wash after the waves have crested. Fewer dramatic highs and fewer drastic lows....a calm that is more like contentment.******* I'm chronologically in the 50/60 wave but with early retirement and relocation, am psychologically in the subsequent waves. Our friends here in Costa Rica are mostly 75+ and i just got notice of another in the ICU, not expected to live much longer. We have lost friends both to death and to relocation (back to US/Canada for healthcare or family reasons)in the past three years. We don't do the drunken outings...in fact rarely go out after dark (which occurs here at 5pm....). I cannot remember the last baby/wedding shower, wedding, or job promotion celebration that we attended. Life is calm, like the little lapping foam on the beach that i splash in when walking on the baked sand. Life is good but those waves came, crested, and whooshed away awfully quickly. I was so immersed in each wave/stage that when they receeded, i hardly recognize where i am some days. I loved each stage/wave.