grasshopper and the ant....

Actually,that's been a theme lately.

I don't know how much you've heard of the "nature vs nurture" themes but i have a spin on that. I don't know how much influence i've actually had on my children but rather think that they're a product of their age as much as anything else. As are we. Let me explain.

I'm a product of my grandma's age and thinking. She was poor as a youngster and relatively poor throughout her life. She always got the best deal, saved for a rainy day and was reluctant to spend money, especially on herself. She would give you the shirt off her back but wouldn't spend the $$ on herself to indulge. Ever. I similarly won't indulge myself (ok, not very often) but am always putting things "up" for later.

I'll "save" the Morningstar Veggie patty (that i love) for the night that the family is eating something beefy and i want something for me. Or for the day that i'm working a long day and want something to look forward to. I've "saved" the fancy china for "good" occasions and thus we only use it on Easter, Christmas and the occasional dinner party. I cut up fruit for the kids' breakfasts every morning, peeling and coring apples and the like. I eat the peels and cores and leave them the "bestest" parts. I eat most of the left-overs in the house (lunches, recycled dinners) while i make them the yummiest things. I wear the outgrown clothes from the kids for work-out wear (and everyday bum-around-the-house garb, like now). I cut coupons and only buy the on-sale items as possible, basing my menus for the week on the sales and deals.

Alessandra is a product of her age too. She of the "i want it all and i want it now, only the best will do" has no problem with taking whatever goodies she sees. The reserved frozen entree meal saved for my 12 hour shift at the hospital this friday? After being told that i had reserved it, she took it anyway, heated it and, after one bite, decided that it was "icky" and threw it away. Having told her that Indian brown rice entree with tofu and spinach would likely not be anything that she'd like, she looked at me like i was an idiot (common expression for a teen, no?) and opened the package and heated it. She is selfish and short-sighted. And no different than most her age. Why save when you can have it now?

We just got back from vacation with a long drive. During this drive, Christian fell asleep and Alessandra was hungry. Joe gave her a Payday candy bar that he'd brought along for just such an event and said to eat half and save the other half for Christian. It would hold them until we got to a town with a restaurant. She broke the bar in half and happily tore into her part. Then Christian woke up....only to find that she had eaten his half too. "i was hungry and he was asleep" being her response. Selfish and short-sighted.

I feel as though i've failed as her parent as i cannot get her past this. And, at fifteen years old, i think that her personality is pretty set, no longer as moldable as she might have been at five. So, we just wait until she is eighteen and on her own. She can then see how the "real world" deals with her and maybe learn to cut her own fruit for breakfast. I'm going to just stop. There is no point in buying the veggie burgers, the fancy frozen Indian meals or "good" peanut butter. When i get to them, they're always gone. Instead of reserving and waiting until the time is right, i'll just wait another three years. And maybe serve them on that china....