ten things

I went to a wedding, years ago, of a mutual friend of ours. In the ceremony, the minister was talking about a couple in their congregation. The couple was celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary and the minister had asked the wife if she had any advice for the newlyweds. She, of course, did.

She told him that when she and her husband were engaged, they were told by their minister to make a list of ten things. Ten things that each would tolerated in the other without complaining, without trying to change. Ten things that each would "let slide". Well, the woman didn't make the list. She was busy. She thought it was silly. She meant to but didn't get around to it. Whatever. She told the minister that, like many things in life, it all worked out. She said that throughout their fifty year marriage, whenever he did some little thing that got on her nerves, she would just think "that must be one of those ten things" and let it slide. There were apparently very few "big things" in a marriage that were distressing, lots of little passing habits and irks that didn't merit the effort to try to change or complain about.

I really liked this story and decided then and there to do the same. Joe and i really don't squabble. We figure that so few things are that important to either of us that if there is something that is of burning importance to the one, we just let that person decide. What color to paint the hall bathroom? Which hotel to book for the upcoming vacation? Which film to watch on Saturday night? Whoever seems to care more gets to decide.

There are, however, habits of Joe's that bug me. And i let them slide, all the while thinking that it's just not worth troubling the water to mention them. That's not the issue. He has often mentioned things that i do that he doesn't like-- leaving apple cores in the sink until i do dishes and rinse it all down the disposal, leaving cabinet doors open longer than necessary, not zeroing out the microwave. My question is.... how many things do i do that make him crazy that he doesn't mention? I know that i used to wear a yellow flowered sweatshirt a lot. It was from high school and had lots of good memories. When i donated it, he told me that he's always disliked it. For years. What else that i do or wear or am has he disliked for years and never mentioned? Yikes.

I try to redress the "bugs" that he points out but i never get it right. I'm good for three weeks then leave the oatmeal out (not sure if i need to add more...) and he puts it away for me. Then i take it out again and he just sighs....

Am i just a slob? Or have we become one of those crazy old couples? I take it out, he puts it away. I open the cabinets, he closes the doors. i guess that it's good that we're so well matched!